Hope In Bloom

Late summer has a way of exposing where we really are. The momentum of spring has faded, the pace of fall is just ahead, and many of us find ourselves standing in the in-between—making decisions, discerning next steps, or simply wondering where God is leading. Scripture calls these places wildernesses, not because God has abandoned us there, but because they are often where he speaks most clearly. We sat down with artist and writer Hayley Rawnsley to explore what it means to wander well and to discover God's presence in seasons when the path ahead is anything but obvious.

Growing up in the church, wandering was never what I aspired to do. In fact, it seemed like something to avoid at all costs. The last thing I wanted was to be seen doubting or walking away from God. But when I experienced my first wilderness season in 2020, suddenly it looked like God was the one who left me.

I graduated college at the start of the pandemic, and entered an adulthood I hadn’t planned for. Instead of flourishing in this new chapter, I was living back at home, struggling to find a job, and watching the world erupt in fear and chaos. All kinds of questions about the Lord’s provision and goodness sprung up as the garden of my life withered.

I felt so angry and disappointed at Him. Yet, I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was at a crossroads in my faith. I knew I had two options: turn towards Jesus in my pain or completely turn away.

In the end, I chose to stay.

To dwell between what was familiar and what was yet to be. To embrace the discomfort of letting go of my expectations and sense of control. With many distractions now removed, I couldn’t hide myself in busyness and achievement anymore. I was forced to slow down and be present for the first time in a long time.

Finally, the God I thought had disappeared began to reveal Himself again. It was in stillness that I experienced His presence like never before. Day by day, I sat with empty hands as He filled me up with words of affirmation and visions for my future. To my surprise, this season that felt like loss and death was becoming one of renewal.

I believe so often we expect the path to more of God will be found in doing more. Listening to more sermons, reading more books, serving more at church. Surely it’s possible to encounter Him in these places, but it’s also easy to lose connection in all the activity and noise. Wilderness disrupts this rhythm, and challenges us to seek out His beauty in barren landscapes. To break away from religion and return to the barebones of relationship, where there’s room to unpack the hurts and disappointments collected in our best attempts to follow Jesus. True healing happens in these hidden spaces.

These seasons of silence and stillness can feel unproductive in the moment, but in hindsight we will see how the Lord was at work all along. He redeems what we see as waiting and turns it into preparation. Wilderness brings the kind of renewal we need to continue the journey well.